MY on: El diablo ha venido acosando a mi

Joke
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A woman awakes during the night, and her husband isn't in bed with her. She goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she asks. "Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. "Yes, I do," she replies. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?" "Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues, "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?" "I remember that, too," she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, "I would have gotten out today.
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Maldito sea el diablo ha venido acosando a mi!!!!!! in English, dammit the devil has come to visit me!!!!!

H is in Town she's been around for 5 days now and what i thought would be a walk in the park is turning into a nightmare. I know God's own Country ( Naija) has it's effect on you but how does Solomonsydelle turn to Fine Boy Agbero in 3 days where did H learn " your head no correct <>" ??

i've come to discover the hard way that H is a very outspoken woman. Ask on of the "street landlords" guarding the Oniru's palace about the "Oyinbo" on sunday and you will get nothing short of a tale.

So traffic on Sunday was boderline lunatic and i'm trying to get from Lekki to Ikoyi so i can drop H off. let's try the palace road since traffic is terrible. we get to the gate

Street Landlord: Bros no chance
Me: abeg now guy na just Elegbeda festival road i dey go
Landlord: Oga pack one side:
H: Que Dijo ( what did he say)
Me: Nada chica dijo no tinenen acesso ( nothing girl he said we can't pass)
* Landlord points to H and is talking to his partners*
H: Que es lo que dice (what are they saying)
Me: nada chica tranquilo ( nothing, be calm)
Next thing i know H has gotten out of the car and walks to the crowd.
**Chineke!! God abeg!! and *&^&)(&)*()^*^& all the expletives you can think of are flying in my head,**
O boy this babe is arguing with the guys to open the gate
H: Open
Landlords Now: Enter your moto o abi ki lon se eleyi ( what's wrong with this one)

Na so i start to beg oh
Me: Por favor entrada en el coche (Please enter the car)
H: No, Se debe abrir la puerta ( No, they should open the gate)
Me: Que no quieren ( they don't want to)
H: Por que? no son la policia ( why they are not the police)
* now a crowd is gathering typical naija style in my head i am asking nna who send me make i take this road*
Me: Esto no es Europa ( This is not Europe)
Me: Estos chicos es muy rasgos ( These guys are rough)
H: No me atrevo atocar (they wouldn't dare touch me)
Me: Por favor entrada en el coche (Please enter the car)
H: No * Points to the guy then the gate and screams " Your head no correct complete to hand movement Open!!!"

nnna dem open the gate o.

Back in the car, She is fuming with rage and talking about the injustice of it, they let a car through and not us. Me i just stay mum in the car with many thoughts in my head. 30 minutes later we're in Ikoyi after that brief movie.

The thoughts in my head:

1. which kain babe b dis?
   
2. Did they teach her that at the embassy?
   
3. How do i explain the concept of area boys and nothing dey happen to H abi na to dey carry escort waka?
4. My diplomacy no work but apparently her Craze did. why??

I've learnt sha, na child lock 24/7 whenever i'm rolling with H and i will never ever roll out with the bike.

How was your weekend folks get up to anything fancy?

Saludos desde el loco Hombre

MY

O on: The Meme.

Sirius has bestowed on the Triumvirate the Honest scrap award and my partners have decided i perform the civic duties that come with the award please be warned this is a long post.

CIVIC DUTIES THAT COME WITH THE AWARD:
1.You must brag about it
2.You must include the name of the blogger who bestowed the award on you and link back to the blogger
3.You must choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. Or improvise by including bloggers who have no idea who you are because you don’t have seven friends (lol).
4.Show the seven random victims’ names and links and leave a harassing comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog. Well, there’s no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon.
5.List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself. Then pass it on!

10 HONEST THINGS ABOUT ME.

1. i'm 9 years older on the inside than my birth certificate or my body says. My mom made me hang out with older kids 'cos she kepts saying i came late.
2. I have no friends in my age group never have and i don't think i ever will. Maybe that's why i like older women.
   
3. I wouldn't call myself a nice person I'll describe myself as Loyal.
4. Success is my primary driver in life.
5. M & My are the most important people to me and i will kill to protect them if need be.
   
6. I have a gait that comes off to people who don't know me as arrogant but do not be offended it's just extreme self confidence.
7. Copying Sirius Verbatim, I am an island, i love my world, my solitude. I just can't be bothered to make new friends, meet people.
8. I wish i could take God more seriously but i have this feeling that when i do my tilt will be more towards Islam.
9. I've given up on finding "the one" even after reading M's epiphany i'm content with just meeting someone i'm compatible with.
10. 1+1 must be equal to 2 if not my brain goes into little britain mode ("the computer says no")

So there you go, 10 honest things about me. we will be stalking the lairs of
Freakho
Danny B
Vera
Solomonsydelle
Senor Agbero
The Afrobabe
The invinsible guy

M on: Soulmates??? My Epiphany

JOKE*
A man was just waking up from anaesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful." Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute!" The wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful," it was now "cute." She said, "What happened to 'beautiful'?" The man replied, "The drugs are wearing off!"
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I filled the 100 things questionnaire on facebook and one question got me thinking
Question: would you want a Relationship or a Hook up?
My answer: I want the security of a relationship and the passion of a hookup.

in answering that question i got a eureka moment. i had just answered the question Danny Bagucci asked in his post on "soulmates" as well as questions we all ask ourselves;

What differentiates the Relationship from the hookup?
Why can't there be a mix match of both?
Why do "open" relationships last longer?
Why do relationships get boring?
Why does the spark die?

O in his cynical manner compared relationships between humans to the attention span kids have for new toys; directly proportional to the newness of the toy. Typical O Smargd would say but is he really being cynical or is there an underlying truth. People say they fall in and out of love i think they pretty much get bored. I read on one of the cybertrails left by Doug that a difference between men and women is that women get married thinking the man will change while men do it thinking the woman wont change.A misconception that i myself have fallen victim of thank God we didn't get married. Back to my epiphany and the myriad of questions;

I like to refer to myself as a "married bachelor" with all my attention, all 150% of it devoted to my children (my horses) but i figure that is because i haven't met that person yet, the one person who even 2 years after being together, we will still be kicking it like the first day we kissed, held hands or had sex.

I'm looking for the security that comes with a relationship along with all the passion that comes with that steamy one night stand. I hope it's safe to assume that it's the same thing all the non-commital seemingly rational folks out there are searching for.

There are 6.7 billion people on earth and you have one soulmate. it's next to impossible to find him or her but the fact is;

Your soulmate does exist and is out there so stop groping in the dark and at least try and find that person. I'm gonna try.

So there goes my epiphany, call it the gospel of saint M lol

MY says this post has inspired him to start shooting again ( kryptonite made him drop his camera for nearly one year now) and I'm so so happy for him. 5 of his photos are getting published this year in a photo book to be sold in over 30 countries. I hope this does something for you.

from me to you
M

MY on: She is Coming!!!

I got a call today,

* Private number calling*

Me:
Hello

Her:
Oi bebe que tal
(hey baby how are you)

Me:
Hola por favor Queien
(who is this please)

Her:
Es tu carino
(It's your sweetie)

Me:*thinking hard trying to analyze the voice on a crappy line AND STILL NOT GETTING IT*
Querida que tal
(darling how are you)

Her:
Estoy bueno
(I'm well)

Que adivinar?
(Guess what)

Estoy sera con la embajada en Lagos para 6 meses de rotacion
(I will be with the embassy in Lagos on 6 months rotation)
* NOW I'M EVEN MORE CONFUSED*

Yo llegar en el viernes por el noche.
(I arrive on Thursday night)

Voy a llamar cuando llego
(I'll call when i arrive)

Tengo que ir
(I have to go)

llama me mas tarde
(Call me much later)

* call dropped*

Me:
Adios ( to no-one in particular and now totally confused)

it took 5 minutes before it hit me then i had to call back to confirm it was Her. Let's call her H. She's got a bit of Indian, Portuguese and English heritage Before i left Barcelona she took a job with the foreign office and she's gonna be in Nigeria with the embassy in Lagos for the next 6 months.

Just the thought of it has me ehmmm........ let's leave that to your imagination shall we ;)

Abrazos
MY

M on: 21 resons why you might consider dating a female horse rider.

Have you ever wondered why female participants of equine sports are so hot!!!? Well, here is a bunch of reasons why; 21 in fact.

They-

1) Have 4 speeds and many positions

2) Wear tight pants and tall boots

3) Love getting dirty

4) Know how to ride their mounts

5) Perform rather well with animals

6) Like being in control

7) Will ride it for hours

8) Know how to handle a big girth

9) Get off easy

10) Are always on top

11) Like it rough

12) Have their legs spread all day long

13) Love using whips ;)

14) Straddle as their natural position

15) Don't mind being bucked around

16) Do it for three days if they are event riders

17) Can ride standing or sitting

18) Wear leathers everyday

19) Think the fast ones are the most fun

20) Are used to having hands between their legs



21) If they fall off, they get back on and ride harder


P.S. Have you seen the posting trot???!!!

Enjoy your weekend while i get on with some serious polo tomorrow!!!!!!!

*pictures courtesy Polistas-www.polistas.com wish i took them though.....sigh

M on: Dedicated to O

He had been suspecting that his wife was cheating. So, he planned a dummy trip and returned suddenly, arriving home unexpectedly. He came in a corporate cab after midnight and asked the driver to accompany him into the house to be a witness. For 10,000 Naira the Cab driver accepted and followed him stealthily into the house. Brandishing a pistol, the husband tiptoed into the bedroom with the driver in a rage.

They entered the bedroom and as the husband switched on the lights, the driver yanked the blanket back and there they were. The wife was in bed with another man. The husband mad by this put a gun to the naked man's head as the wife shouted, "Don't do it! This man has been very generous to us!

I lied when I told you I inherited money. He is the one who paid for the Prado I bought for you.

He paid for this house we now own, he gave me the money we owed the bank and he pays for all the tickets we use to travel. He also pays our children's school fees and even for that suit and the others you wear. He even pays our monthly dues!"

Shaking in disbelief, the husband slowly lowered the gun, looked over at the taxi driver and asked, "What would you do if it were you?"

The driver said, "Oga, Cover him well with that blanket before he catches cold!"


Ps. Now i'm wondering if i need to watch my back

MY on: Barcelona, Mi casa

SO she called me today.... she being the kryptonite to my superman buzz. i keep saying to myself i hate her and she has no effect on me only for me to hear that sagacious bastard i have come to grudgingly respect called O snigger 'cos he knows that i know that deep down El loco hombre has been whipped, locked and discarded. Sad i know but hearing her call my name just has me acting like a puppy looking for treats and i find it disgusting but hey i can't help myself so * hands in the air shrug style*

I have this fantasy that O has been magnanimous enough to help me work towards actualizing. if you didn't know I'm not the conventional Nigerian, i consider myself part Catalan ( Barcelona is the capital of Catalonia for those who don't know and forever that will be my home. i took some of my best photographs there and met the most stunning people. The clubs are next to none and i still dream about Sutton, Carpe Diem and Shoko. I guess 6 months straight in Naija you can say I'm the only member of Cerberus not having fun O is busy building up this new business as well has working a 9-5 to keep us financially buoyant while M can't be any happier 'cos the polo is a lot cheaper here but what about me???

I miss my life, i miss the partying, i miss the Vodski Redbullski's, cava at champanaria, the wine tastings, hanging with Juanito who has a PhD in fun and Pollo. I miss the Turkish mafia, endless nights of partying, drinking, girls from everywhere ( that kept M pretty satisfied and i wish there weren't so many mixed race gals here), the drugs, the Carpe Diem lifestyle.
So back to that fantasy.... O i figure has been sensing my pain so he's helping me put plans together to open an art gallery in Barcelona and the plans are shaping up. So I'm gonna say this once and probably never again O rocks!!!! ( for now) Point is folks, Senor MY is heading back to BCN soon back to House music, Tapas, Laurent, Christine and my 2 lesbian sex goddesses.

VAMONOS!!!!!!

Don't think I'm gone though, I'll still be here keeping you intrigued with life in Iberia and hopefully some stunning photography once i get my modjo back. Didn't know love could take that away but that's for another day.

Montones Besos.

MY

M on: i think O just murdered my weekend

Today is Friday but i haven't got a TGIF bone in my body instead, i'm surly which is so unlike me. Let's start with last night, a simple drive home turned out not so simple because MY decides to go see the one girl that has got him whipped. End result one moody child 'cos she didn't give him the time of day.. I wonder why he doesn't give up O has told him countless times he was just her summer fling, her chance to date a "bad boy" . Being home is no better cos O is on the phone with madam the whole night for a rational dude he sure is putting us at risk 'cos her husband is back in town yup you head right husband. Dude is dating a married older woman!!! so much for no baggage ( i told you it was BS :) .

All this i really didn't care about 'cos the weekend is my forte and what O and MY pull during the week doesn't matter. Saturdays and Sundays are dedicated to the horses. a time for chukkas and bush riding or just general grooming. I had already started packing my bags in my head then the text message comes, it's for O and it simply states that he's got an emergency meeting of HOD's tomorrow. Of all days it has to be tomorrow just when i've received a sanction from my polo captain about me not playing for 2 months i'm so pissed 'cos this dude has murdered my weekend. No horses, No chukkas just boring meeting during the day.

I hear MY gleefully gloating 'cos he gets to stay in lagos this weekend which to him means more rock star partying but i got news for you, O told me we are broke this week so you're not having any fun this weekend join my misery.

what's your weekend looking like, still going according to plan?

Regards,
M

Introductions

Let me introduce the Tres Mentes Poderosas. In English, we are the triumvirate that goes by the moniker Cerberus.

I'm M:
I like to see myself as the patrician of the Cerberus, priding myself in my grooming and dress sense. Sophistication is something i hold dear hence my appreciation of fine wine and culinary skills and the fine things of life. Describing me in 2 words would be perfect gentleman which i peg to good ol home training and finishing from mama. I'm a fanatical Polo player, the game of kings and the king of games. MY calls it the sport of gentlemen played by gangsters and O says he considers it a sport where you have to be able to ride like a Comanche, think like a chess player and hit like a golf pro!! my other hobby is sailing and i'm currently working myself up to class b crafts.

I'm a hopeless romantic; poetry, flowers and dinners that's me. My taste in women is simply the more exotic, the more me gusto. I've had my heart broken quite a lot and i think that's one of the reasons O is such a cynical bastard when it comes to women and life in general.

As we take you on the journey of this cerberus that defines us so look out for when M Speaks as you view the journey through my eyes. Now let me introduce O

Meet O:
O is the guardian and head of the triumvirate, utterly rational and totally ruthless, he is our most powerful mind i'm guessing this comes from him being the oldest member. With his business school degree, he capitalizes on the contacts MY and i develop fishing for the perfect business opportunity. Don't get me wrong, he has his contacts too ( bland folks in my opinion). His social manner is terrible to say the least and MY thinks he's borderline antisocial. He'll rather read books, listen to music or chill indoors than enjoy a night out except if it has to do with business, his older women or poker (says it's more cost effective and you don't need to meet people you don't want to.) He's the bread winner of the triumvirate hence, he sometimes takes the fun out of our lives so expect to hear MY and I gripe on here. Usually he stays in his shell but when we've run the accounts into reserve he sanctions like crazy coming out in full fury. A master tactician,his presentation skills are next to none. He can be extremely ruthless as all his decisions are rational with absolutely no space for emotions in his way of thinking (one piece of advice, this is not a gut to cross even i freak out at some of his sadistic tendencies). For this reason, he screws up personal relationships MY and myself build but he knows when to recede and let me handle the situation (AKA damage control) unlike us, he knows when to willingly give up control.

His taste in women is somewhat different as he likes them older, much much older dunno why but last time i asked, he said "they are more of a challenge, more intellectually stimulating and they come with little or no baggage unlike the girls you and MY date" ( if you ask me, i'd say total BS but i guess that's what makes him happy.) Not sure if he'll blog much but when he does it'll be something intellectual and you're sure to gain something.

Now I'll let MY introduce himself

Hola a todos,soy My :
I'm the fun loving, crazy, mental lemme see what else has been used to describe me..... ah yes vivacious, full of life... alright I'll stop. Look at me as the breath of fresh air in Cerberus maybe that's because i'm the youngest mind. i love life to the fullest preferably on the fastest lane i can find, partying, girls (the wilder the better *wink*), racing, poker. I'm willing to try anything and everything so my life is constantly filled with things happening. I love to travel and meet people and I've got an enormously large social circle who knows you might even be a friend *wink again* . I get along pretty great with M but grand pa O, i really don't dig (too much of a bully and a buzz kill that dude needs to get a life seriously!!! ). I'm usually in full swing on weekends simply because O controls the week *sulk* and M most weekends during the day cos of his polo while i am king of the night. I love being the life of the party with a tendency to get absolutely and totally wasted and do stuff that even M will want to kill me for the next day (says i damage his reputation but really vivo la vida!!!.) Did i mention the fact that I'm a photographer? (hence the lifestyle hehehe)
stay tuned for the journey through my eyes. I really can't wait... finally i get a chance to let it all out.

introductions are over, From the mentes poderosas, we say encantada and welcome to the den of the Cerberus and we simply ask you to introduce yourself.