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A woman awakes during the night, and her husband isn't in bed with her. She goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she asks. "Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. "Yes, I do," she replies. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?" "Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues, "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?" "I remember that, too," she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, "I would have gotten out today.
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Maldito sea el diablo ha venido acosando a mi!!!!!! in English, dammit the devil has come to visit me!!!!!
H is in Town she's been around for 5 days now and what i thought would be a walk in the park is turning into a nightmare. I know God's own Country ( Naija) has it's effect on you but how does Solomonsydelle turn to Fine Boy Agbero in 3 days where did H learn " your head no correct <>" ??
i've come to discover the hard way that H is a very outspoken woman. Ask on of the "street landlords" guarding the Oniru's palace about the "Oyinbo" on sunday and you will get nothing short of a tale.
So traffic on Sunday was boderline lunatic and i'm trying to get from Lekki to Ikoyi so i can drop H off.
Street Landlord: Bros no chance
Me: abeg now guy na just Elegbeda festival road i dey go
Landlord: Oga pack one side:
H: Que Dijo ( what did he say)
Me: Nada chica dijo no tinenen acesso ( nothing girl he said we can't pass)
* Landlord points to H and is talking to his partners*
H: Que es lo que dice (what are they saying)
Me: nada chica tranquilo ( nothing, be calm)
Next thing i know H has gotten out of the car and walks to the crowd.
**Chineke!! God abeg!! and *&^&)(&)*()^*^& all the expletives you can think of are flying in my head,**
O boy this babe is arguing with the guys to open the gate
H: Open
Landlords Now: Enter your moto o abi ki lon se eleyi ( what's wrong with this one)
Na so i start to beg oh
Me: Por favor entrada en el coche (Please enter the car)
H: No, Se debe abrir la puerta ( No, they should open the gate)
Me: Que no quieren ( they don't want to)
H: Por que? no son la policia ( why they are not the police)
* now a crowd is gathering typical naija style in my head i am asking nna who send me make i take this road*
Me: Esto no es Europa ( This is not Europe)
Me: Estos chicos es muy rasgos ( These guys are rough)
H: No me atrevo atocar (they wouldn't dare touch me)
Me: Por favor entrada en el coche (Please enter the car)
H: No * Points to the guy then the gate and screams " Your head no correct complete to hand movement Open!!!"
nnna dem open the gate o.
Back in the car, She is fuming with rage and talking about the injustice of it, they let a car through and not us. Me i just stay mum in the car with many thoughts in my head. 30 minutes later we're in Ikoyi after that brief movie.
The thoughts in my head:
- which kain babe b dis?
- Did they teach her that at the embassy?
- How do i explain the concept of area boys and nothing dey happen to H abi na to dey carry escort waka?
- My diplomacy no work but apparently her Craze did. why??
How was your weekend folks get up to anything fancy?
Saludos desde el loco Hombre
MY
